The Terrifying Art of Surrendering
2022 you came with a mean challenge. Pitting my parents against a disease that shook our world.
I was seeking control. Of everything. The outcome, the emotions, the trauma, the grief, the pain. Driven by fear of what will be, anxiety attacks and really trying hard to get a firm grasp on the fluidity of this situation that was unbearable. I abandoned everything I liked. Wishing, praying and hoping that something in my life is going to turn so I can move forward.
But what happens when fighting doesn’t work? What if the circumstances of life are such that you cannot fight nor flee your situation?
Surrendering was the strongest stance I could take. Asking the Universe for serenity to accept things I cannot control and courage to change the things I can. Having the faith that everything will work out for our highest good, even when I had no idea what our highest good looked or felt like.
Initially this was extremely terrifying to do but it ultimately amounted to acknowledging the truth.
What this looked like? Breathing clarity into each day. Pausing and dropping into knowing my fears, anxiety and uncertainty. Letting go of limited ideas about how to move forward. Radical self-care approach. Being compassionate towards myself. Not lose myself in this process so that I am more present for the situation and my parents.
Surrendering didn’t mean I gave up. It just meant recognising the reality of my situation and deciding to take whatever positive action I could from that position.
Life hit me out of nowhere and left me on the ground. My weakness was on display and all scars barred. This is when I had the most dignity for life. I honoured that this too is an important experience in my journey.
I had to became my biggest cheerleader and my tribe of family and friends became my life support that pulled me out of the waves of despair.
What a world we live in. Shaky, uncertain and a constantly changing landscape. Today, all I can say is SURRENDER to this shifting landscape. It sure is not easy but I promise the doors will open and your mountain will be summited.